Do you have a salvation experience, but you have no joy! Are you seeking approval from others? Do you love yourself? Are you trying to please others to get acceptance? Is your self-talk positive or negative? Have you suffered abuse in your past? Have you gone through a divorce? Are you looking for another relationship hoping it will fill your emptiness? Does an addiction control you? Is the joy of the Lord out of reach? Have you ever allowed God to be in complete control of your life? A person can have a relationship with God, but because of a life of emotional painful experiences it can create a distorted God concept.

God desires to be the center of our lives. His greatest commandment says we are to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. There are no hidden secrets sins – God knows all. The second part of that commandment tells us to love our ‘neighbor’ as we love our self. To simplify the commandment, we are to love God, love self with God’s unconditional love and love others.

In a counseling session I may ask this question, “Do you love yourself?” Sometimes there is hesitancy and then, “Well, sometimes.” Other times the answer is a quick resounding, “NO!” The response is revealing to the depth of the pain in the heart. God came in the flesh to die on a cross because He loved us even before we were born. His unconditional love is difficult to comprehend when there is no life experience where you can reference the gift of unconditional love.

If you were raised in an environment where approval was based on your performance that is a distorted love.  God’s love is not based on your performance. If you feel you are unworthy of God’s love, that is a lie from Satan.  Satan desires to kill, steal and destroy. He wants your life’s wounds to define you. He is the father of all lies.

Healing comes through understanding God’s love that never fails. God’s Word has the power to transform our lives. We can be transformed by renewing our minds with His Word – Romans 12: 1 & 2. We are God’s special treasure, His royal priesthood and His holy nation.  We are valuable to God. We are His Bride. When we focus on who we are in God, it has the power to change the way we think.  God fully loves us. God fully forgives us.  God fully accepts us. The Word of God is full of life and truth. Our worth/value comes from God as our creator who became our savior!

When you look at life through your painful emotions, it distorts God’s truth. You can be set free of ‘stinkin thinkin’ through God’s truth. People tell me they can share God’s truth with others, but they struggle with taking ownership of God’s truth for self. A person must choose to want to change, heal and grow. If the choice is not made, the negative patterns will be repeated.

If you came out of an abusive relationship, you can easily fall in the same trap again. Every abuser is a fox in sheep’s clothing in the beginning of a relationship. The sexual trap is a quick one to fall into, also. I’ve counseled many singles who quickly become sexual in a new relationship. It breaks the heart of God that He is not the center of your heart. God wants to reign on the throne of your heart. God wants you to understand how valuable you are to Him. You do not have to throw your life away through sin of any kind. We are to glorify God in our body and spirit – I Cor. 6:20.

Many people who were sexually abused are then introduced to pornography. One twenty-minute exposure to porn can create an addiction. A person can experience a Holy Ghost salvation experience, but if there is not a complete surrender of their flesh – nailing their selfish desires to the cross – they will struggle with porn addiction. When a person has sex with self while using porn, it creates a chemical pleasurable explosion in the brain that is more powerful than any drug available. The repetition of porn use creates a self-induced chemical addiction. This causes self-hate and condemnation and the cycle continues.

There must be a deep sincere decision to want to change and be healed. Any type of sin is a form of idolatry. Either we choose to serve God or be a slave to our selfish sinful desires.  When we sincerely ask God for His help and turn to His truth, we will receive strength and grace from God to change and heal.

If you are single and you feel incomplete without a spouse. Inner healing must take place. God must become your joy that life’s circumstances cannot steal from you. People fail. God never fails. If you feel you are not whole being single, getting married will not heal your emptiness. You will find your spouse’s faults and be greatly disappointed. Another human being cannot fill the emptiness of emotional pain. Oh, you may have a short time of joy. Then when the newness wears off of the relationship, you will feel just as empty as before.

God wants you to filter all of your life through Him. When you become a student of God’s Word, you will find His truth will fill you with the comfort and joy that no human can give you.  When you replace Satan’s lies with God’s truth about who you are in Him, the joy of the Lord will be strong in your life.  I’m not talking about a happy feeling. Happiness is based on happenings. I’m talking about a joy that nothing can destroy inside of you even in the darkest experiences of life. When you establish a prayer life and pray in the Spirit, you are praying God’s perfect will.

We can be transformed by renewing our minds. Do not allow your past to define who you are today in Christ Jesus.  In Christ you are a new creation. The word new in the Greek means unused, clean and without fault – you are a new creation through the blood of Jesus Christ. When you sincerely repent of sin and choose to change, God’s honors you with His love and forgiveness.

When you put God on the throne of your heart and allow Him to be in full control of everything that you do, it will give you a peace and joy that money cannot buy. We are to do everything heartily as unto the Lord. Focus on becoming the man/woman of God that He has designed you to be. Seek Him first in all you do and allow Him to guide your life. Yes, in this life we can have ‘tribulation’, but God said, “Be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.”  He went through the death on the cross before He resurrected and gave us the gift of eternity through salvation.

God in you (the Holy Ghost) is the hope of glory. This life is very short compared to eternity where time is no more.  It’s your choice!  Will you choose life or death? God has given me unique ministry of nationwide counseling by phone (636) 448-0121. I also teach the anointed Word of God for churches and conferences for spiritual, emotional and relational growth and healing.

Go to my website: for bio, 60+ articles, teaching CD’s & DVD’s and book: God’s Design for Marriage. Call me to schedule speaking or counseling.

© Carol Clemans – April 2014 – Certified Pastor Counselor/anointed Bible teacher.




Share this Article:


Leave a Reply

About Me

Carol Clemans is a Certified Pastoral Counselor (27 years), Bible conference speaker, Christian Life Coach and author. She provides counseling nationwide by phone/web cam. The mission for Carol’s teaching, counseling and writing is to help others grow and heal spiritually, emotionally and relationally.

Recent Posts

Follow Us

Featured Video

Sign up for the latest articles and updates!

Thank you for subscribing. Your email will be kept private and not shared.

Online Teaching and Resources Anytime!

Do you want to grow spiritually, emotionally and relationally in God? My heartbeat is to teach God’s Word to help everyone become a man/woman of God for His glory! Join the new membership site and get access to a growing library of resources and teaching for only $24 per month.