Sex before marriage is becoming common with believers who attend church. Just because the world has sex before marriage does not make it right in the sight of God. God created sex to be thoroughly enjoyed within the bounds of marriage. God set the boundaries of marriage for our provision and protection spiritually, emotionally, physically and relationally.
When two people enter marriage as virgins, they bring a unique sacred specialness to the marriage that includes love, respect, honor, commitment and trust that establishes a wonderful foundation from which to build a marriage. God created sex, not Hollywood! God created us in His image and after His likeness. We were not created to fulfill the lust of the flesh at any moment and act like animals.
Sex before marriage defrauds the marriage. To defraud is to take something illegally. Sexual sins are sinning against your own body and sinning against the Lord. When the prophet regarding his adultery confronted David, his response was, “I’ve sinned against the Lord!”
I must define ‘having sex.’ Doing anything with the sexual parts of your body with another person is having sex. I’ve been told that ‘outer sex’ or oral sex is not sin because it is not intercourse. This is a lie from the devil. 1 Corinthians 6 confronts sexual sins within the church. Paul told the church that our bodies do not belong to us, they were bought with a high price and we are to glorify God in our body and spirit. 1 John 3 addresses the issues of sin and he said if we keep on sinning we do not know God and are of the devil. This is God’s truth!
How can a person glorify God in body and spirit by having any type of sex outside the boundaries of marriage? It’s impossible! When a couple has sex before marriage it creates guilt, anger and bitterness. The relationship is built around sex and not around God in preparation for a godly marriage. This sexual sin creates guilt, anger, bitterness plus broken trust that is brought into the marriage and this combination creates disaster. Marriage is to be sacred and honorable before God and man.
One reason sex before marriage is on the increase is because of the use of pornography. One of the current statistics of church attendees is 60 – 76% of men, 32% of women including people in ministry use porn. When the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye and the pride of life dominate a person, they participate in sinful actions. One cannot look at porn and not be lustful. God said people who look and lust are committing adultery in the heart. Porn use is based in pure sinful selfishness. A porn user cannot enter marriage with a pure heart toward God or the spouse.
When someone tells me they used porn in the past but it doesn’t bother them any more, they are not speaking truth. I know from 24 years experience of counseling people addicted to porn that this statement is not true. Porn images are indelibly imprinted on the brain. The porn images appear ‘live’ in the brain at a thought. Medical science says that porn addiction is the most damaging addiction above alcohol or any type of drug. The use of porn damages the physical brain. It is a self-induced chemical addiction. At the time of self-satisfying, the brain receives an overflow of chemicals that it is unable to process normally thus causing brain damage.
The only path to porn addiction recovery is through God that includes genuine repentance, a detoxification of soul, mind and body. It is a process. The habit of using porn must end. Rewiring the soul and brain with God’s truth is a process and a commitment to living a pure holy life before God. Accountability is needed with a strong spiritual person of the same sex.
The American Association of Christian Counselors certifies me as a Sexual Addiction Recovery Facilitator (to help both males and females) in addition to my formal Bible based counseling education. Porn addiction is an extreme stronghold of the devil. We live in a sexualized world and triggers are everywhere. It takes a person who is willing to be totally submissive to God in all areas of life to be able to walk in victory above this sexual addiction.
Marriages that have been deeply damaged by pre-sex or porn use need in-depth godly counseling. The couple must be helped to forgive and heal by building a new foundation upon God’s truth for their marriage.
I’m 70 years young and have been in ministry over 50 years having the Holy Ghost 61 years and a Certified Pastoral Counselor for 24 years. I implore all pastors to please address these issues in your churches. This problem of sex outside of marriage and use of porn affects all age groups. It is multiplying like yeast in the church. Satan is destroying souls from within the church. Some people sitting on church pews are becoming professional hypocrites because they are living a double life participating in sexual sins.
As a Bible teacher, counselor and writer, I’m addressing sexual sins in seminars for churches, counseling sessions nationwide by phone/Skype and the written word through my website: www.carolclemans.org, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, YouTube: Carol Clemans channel, FB: Life Enrichment Ministries, Inc. (501c3), Carol Theobald Clemans, Group: Growing in God Spiritually, Emotionally & Relationally.
From teaching marriage seminars for over 30 years, I’ve written a book: God’s Design for Marriage. It is sold through Pentecostal Publishing House, my website and as eBook: amazon.com. It does not embarrass me to teach about sex from God’s viewpoint. I’ve been married 46 years to ordained minister, Rev. Harold E. Clemans. We entered marriage as virgins and our two adult children entered marriage as virgins. It is still possible today to live Holy as He is Holy! God and His Word have not changed!
Go to my website: www.carolclemans.org – 300+ articles, read the ‘about ministry’ page. It has my complete bio of life, education and ministry. Teaching CD’s & DVD’s are available. I love sharing God’s anointed Word for churches, retreats, conferences for spiritual, emotional and relational growth. Visit my FB Life Enrichment Ministries, Inc. (501c3) page – pinned at the top is an hour-long teaching video on “Jesus, the Healer of our Brokenness.” As mentioned above, I have several short teaching videos on YouTube – Carol Clemans channel.
I teach Sexual Purity Seminars for all Ages. With pastor and parents agreement, I teach to the whole church from ages 10 and older. Everyone needs to know God’s truth on the gift of sex for marriage and the harm that comes from all types of sexual sins. Sexual sins are being ‘thrown in our faces’ for all ages because of homosexuality lifestyle and transgender mandates regarding restroom issues from our government. It is time we address sex from God’s viewpoint within the church and families. I teach parents how to share sexual issues with the children. We should not be ashamed of what God intended for good.
I pray every reader of this article will share this truth with others. I know it breaks the heart of God to see what is happening among believers today. He asked the question, “Will I find faith when I come?” The Lord has given me this ministry. I must speak His truth in love and live His truth. The desire of my heart is to hear Him say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant!”
© Carol Clemans – May 2016 – www.carolclemans.org – (636) 448-0121
Refs: Pastor Daniel Batchelor, Dupo, IL & UPCI MS Supt. David Tipton Jr., Raymond, MS