Many do not realize that sitting in our church pews today there are people who act very kind and holy at church and yet at home behind closed doors they are abusers to their wife/husband/children verbally, emotionally and physically. In my 22 years of being a pastoral counselor, I’ve had to counsel these people. They are full of anger from the pain of his/her past plus guilty because of their current sins. They blame everyone else for their anger and abuse. The root can also be the sin of selfishness not being Holy Ghost controlled.
The sin of anger and abuse is passed down from generation to generation. The abuser threatens his victims to dare not tell anyone. When the secret is kept for weeks, months that turns in to years, the abuse is extremely destructive emotionally and spiritually which leads to ultimate physical abuse. If you are the wife or husband of an abuser, make the decision today to tell and get help. Do not allow fear to keep you paralyzed. God will help you deal with all consequences. The abuser feels more empowered the longer he/she ‘gets by’ with abusing.
You can dis-empower the abuser by refusing to be controlled by his threats. If you are the wife of an abusive husband, stop walking in fear – it’s your choice. Especially, if you have children you must expose the abuse to people in authority. Take major action. Expose the abuser to family, the pastor and to authorities if physical abuse is involved.
Don’t allow misuse of scripture regarding submission to be wrapped around your neck. We are to submit one to another in the fear of the Lord! (Ephesians 5:21) Christ loved us so much that he died on a cross to redeem us to Himself. He did not come to earth to abuse His Bride. Submission is based on the response to a loving husband who is a servant/leader like God, not a tyrant. God does not expect anyone to remain in a continual abusive relationship. Go to others for help.
Sadly, I’ve received calls from pastors’ wives that are verbally abused by their husbands. They live with fear constantly. They are threatened to not tell anyone because no one would believe them. Every man and woman is going to stand before God and be accountable for every word and deed. I counsel these abused wives that they must tell the authorities above their husband. They live in silence for ‘ministry sake’ but it does not work. Eventually the arrogant abuse is revealed because the abuse can turn in to other sinful issues including sexual sins, etc. Porn addiction is running rampant in the church today from the platform to the pew. We are not addressing this issue either. We live with our heads in the sand of believing, “We have the Holy Ghost. These things do not exist among us!” So untrue!!!!
There is nothing hidden secret from God and all ungodliness will be revealed. We need to wake up and reveal it now and get healed from all abuse. Within the church, this can be called spiritual abuse. This should not be so. God has the final say!
Carol Clemans is a Certified Pastoral Counselor & anointed Bible teacher. She provides confidential nationwide counseling (636) 448-0121 for pastors and lay people. Carol teaches for churches/conferences for spiritual, emotional and relational growth. www.carolclemans.org for bio, articles, teaching CD’s, DVD’s, book: “God’s Design for Marriage.”