What despoils a marriage?

NOTE: This is the complete article introduced in the January 2017 issue of the IBC Perspectives.

Sex before marriage in the world is very common. It can be with many sex partners or your fiancé using the excuse, “We will be married soon. What difference does it make?” The difference is God! God gives the gift of sex to married couples only with His full blessing!

God considers having sex outside of marriage fornication. The Greek word for fornication is: porneia – the root word for pornography. Having sex before marriage robs (despoils) the marriage of its sacredness in the sight of God. The marriage has been defrauded before it begins.

In my 24 years of being a Certified Pastoral Counselor, I have counseled many couples that engaged in pre-marital sex. The pressure to have pre-marital sex usually starts with the male. Most females are reluctant, but do not have enough of God-worth in their heart to say, “No!”

Gals, listen up! If your boyfriend or fiancé tries to ‘love talk’ you into pre-marital sex, he is not asking for sex because he loves and cares about you. He is asking for sex because of his lustful selfishness! That selfish attitude and spirit will be the ruin of a marriage. He is not being spiritual and will not be the God-leader of the home that God demands.

Some guys, after getting sex, will turn on the gal and abandon the relationship and blame it on her! Telling her, “You are not spiritual or you would not have had sex with me.” Where is his accountability to God? Being a virgin is not just a female mandate. Both males and females are to be virgins until marriage!

Porn addiction is one of the leading causes now for pre-marital sex in the church. Josh McDowell says there are 4 ways to have sex: intercourse, genital-to-genital, mouth to genital and hand to genital. Anything done with the sexual parts of your body is having sex! If not intercourse, it is called outer-course including oral sex.

The outcomes of pre-marital sex after marriage are anger, broken trust, guilt, hate, and feeling robbed/defrauded/cheated. Many feel the wedding ceremony and all it stands for in the sight of God, family and friends is a sham because of pre-marital sex.

If you are a married couple who defrauded your marriage with pre-marital sex, you both need to confess and repent of your sin to God and each other. You need to ask forgiveness of your spouse and jointly decide to dedicate your life to learning what God intended for a God-centered marriage. My book: God’s Design for Marriage is Bible based giving you all of God’s tools for a marriage that will be filled with love, joy and peace. (Available @ www.carolclemans.org soft cover, or eBook: amazon.com).

This article needs to be shared with pastors, parents and young people. Our youth are experimenting with sex because of the lack of God knowledge regarding sex. They know it is sin, but know nothing about the spiritual, emotional and sometimes physical damage that it creates that can last a lifetime.

I’ve counseled couples that get pregnant, then feel guilty and marry to try to ‘fix’ the situation. It never works. Marrying to cover up a pregnancy is always revealed. The couple will resent each other and the innocent baby becomes the victim of their sin living in a home full of anger instead of loving God-centered parents.

Immediate marriage is not always the answer to pregnancy. For the baby’s sake, seek God for His answer. Both parents must be responsible. Seek the guidance of a wise pastor and the grandparents. God has a plan for each baby that is conceived. Do not get married without pre-marital counseling.

Sexual sins will not happen with young people who fully understand their value and worth to God as a temple of the Holy Ghost. If they are taught from childhood how much God loves them and shown how to be holy as He is holy, they will not allow themselves to become sexually active until marriage. Yes, they will be tempted, but will have strength through God’s Word not to sexually sin! Psalm 119: 9 – 11, obedience to the Word of God that is hidden in the heart!

Children must be taught to love God with their whole heart, soul, mind and strength (their body). I Cor. 6: 18 – 20, your body does not belong to you. It was bought with a high price of the blood of Jesus Christ. Glorify God in your body and spirit, which are God’s!

Many parents will not talk about sex because they are uncomfortable with their own sexuality. Some parents had pre-marital sex and want to hide that fact from their children. We must be truthful with God’s Word. If parents do not teach their children God’s view on His gift of sex to marriage, the world will teach them at a young age through neighbors, school friends, and even porn. The average age of the first observance of porn for boys is between 8 – 10 years old!

Pastors and parents must get their heads ‘out of the sand’ and become informed to the power of sin from the world’s view. There must be on-going teaching about sexual purity from God’s view. God created the gift of sex for marriage. Satan is destroying the world with every evil aspect of sexual sins and they are invading the church.

I teach “Sexual Purity for All Ages” seminars for churches. I teach and counsel regarding Porn Addiction Recovery. Churches need to have “Sexual Purity Revivals for All Ages.” Porn use in the church: 50 – 73% of men and pastors view porn. We seem to have the idea that because we believe in the baptism of the Holy Ghost porn use is not among us, but that is a lie.

Porn addiction is destroying souls, marriages, families and ministries. I am a Certified Sexual Addiction Recovery Facilitator. I counsel people nationwide by phone/Skype with porn addiction. God has the answers for living in victory over sexual sins. God willing, I will soon be producing DVD’s on porn addiction recovery.

Obedience to God’s truth brings hope and healing to wounded hearts and marriages. Satan wants to despoil, rob and defraud you. He kills, steals and destroys.

Obeying God’s truth will give you life more abundantly!

© Carol Clemans – www.carolclemans.org – anointed teaching for churches/conferences, provides nationwide counseling by phone/Skype (636) 448-0121, 340+ articles, teaching CD’s & DVD’s, book: God’s Design for Marriage. Ministry ref: Pastor Daniel Batchelor, Dupo, IL.

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About Me

Carol Clemans is a Certified Pastoral Counselor (27 years), Bible conference speaker, Christian Life Coach and author. She provides counseling nationwide by phone/web cam. The mission for Carol’s teaching, counseling and writing is to help others grow and heal spiritually, emotionally and relationally.

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